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The Dating App Trap

There’s a certain dating website that shall remain nameless.

In all its ads, it sells itself as a means of finding your soulmate.

Ahh, true love…

Except…

Well, it’s obviously a site for hooking up.

How do I know?

You can tell the intention behind something not in its marketing but how it’s designed. In this case, the website let you filter matches by all sorts of things – gender, location, age, salary, education…

All useful stuff for finding a partner.

But also not only height but hair colour and eye colour.

Only the most vapid, shallow and deluded folks say their soulmate has to have hazel eyes.

For a night of cheap, harmless fun though? Well, that makes a bit more sense.

This trap can show up in your affirmations too.

When you say you want to find ‘love’ or ‘wealth’, what do you mean? Does love mean you’re married? Does wealth mean you live in a mansion?

You might have that in mind, without even realising it.

Except you know, when you think about it, marriage doesn’t equal love. There are many unhappy marriages in the world, and many devoted people who see it as a formality.

Heck, if you want to just ‘be married’, there are plenty of folks who’ll marry you for $100. Put an ad online and choose whoever answers first.

As for a mansion, there’s little stopping you from hiring one out on AirBnB or a similar site. You could even rent one, if you’re not fussy about location, condition or getting kicked out when your savings dry up.

I know, I know. I’m being patronising. Obviously blued app that’s not what you mean when you say love or wealth…

Except, for some of you, it is.

You have something specific in mind, without which it won’t count.

You could be a billionaire but, without the mansion, you won’t ‘feel’ rich.

One approach is to sort out your own expectations. You’re not doing yourself any favours by pursuing something so arbitrary.

Another approach is to ask yourself this simple question:

What else would be just as good as this?

Would living on a boat, pulling into a new port every other week feel even more like wealth than a mansion? If that’s a valid option, it keeps you from following an overly narrow path. Besides, a nice boat can cost you less than a house, let alone a mansion – maybe your wealth is already within reach.

Affirmations help you focus. They can also help you fixate. One helps you move towards your goals, the other drains your enthusiasm and time while offering little in return.

There are two ways to do affirmations:

There’s the easy way, where you stick a note on your fridge and pretend it’ll work.

Then there’s the right way.

Affirmations aren’t a shortcut to better things. They take discipline and persistence. But I pity anyone who doesn’t sharpen their mind and focus

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